WTF Russia
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St. Pete
Putin's Secret Palace
Russia is wild, vast and irrational. And so is its geography.
Prepare to use your imagination.
Ok, here we go. There is one main thing to remember, Moscow is not Russia. It is more like a contiguous state inside of Russia. (Yep, here u can start using your imagination.) The country of “Moscowship” is much more civilized, globalized and capitalized. For the average citizen of “Moscowship”, geography is clear and plain. There is only Moscow and “The Regions”, from which the citizen separates only St. Petersburg and his original home-city. Yeah, the share of Moscow-born people is quite a small one. For Russian Russians geography is also quite simple. There is Russia and that f*cking Moscow.
It’s a nano-city and innovation centre devised by Dmitry Medvedev. Just imagine a Russian-style mix between a cyber-city and Silicon Valley just 30 minutes drive from the Moscow city limits.
And while all scientists and investors in the world are struggling for this opportunity, we just have to build the city, to provide infrastructure, and, you know, to make few innovations. That’s it. A totally innovative idea of innovation-making.
Putin’s Secret Palace
And here we have a Secret Palace of Mr. Putin with reported value of $1 000 000 000*.
* excluding the price of a brand new landing-strip (about $1 bln extra)
It is an imaginary host city for imaginary Olympic Games in 2014. Don’t forget, according to the Mayan Calendar there is no chance of any games after 2012. And that explains quite well why the International Olympic Committee admitted a subtropical city to host the winter Olympic games.
But without a doubt, the idea itself is truly Russian.
And if you insist that size matters, you may be pleased to know that Sochi is the longest city in Russia.
OMG. It looks like FIFA is following the same pervert logic. Russia is going to host the 2018 FIFA Championship.
Here an internationally famous Russian prisoner Mikhail Khodorkovsky serves his sentence. Among others, one remarkable thing is that according to Russian laws he ought to be kept in a place of confinement closest to his registered place of residence.
There is 6732 km (4183 mi) between Moscow and Krasnokamensk. Can you actually imagine that there is no other prison nearby?
Saint Petersburg
St.Pete acknowledged to be the most beautiful, imperial and depressive city in the country. Ex-capital and the cradle of our culture, St.Petrsburg is full of romance and mysteries. Why do you think Russian Tzars hanged out in a city with such a horrible weather for such a long time (1712-1918)?
One probable reason is the sacred lake of power (aka Komsomolskoye lake) located in the St.Pete’s area. Check yourself how far can you go if only you have your dacha* located well — dacha-consumer Cooperative "Ozero”. Impressive? I bet it is something magical in the water.
* “dacha” is a summer or vacation home in Russia.
NB Every true Russian got something in the blood that makes him to love St. Petersburg and to loath Moscow. I have no idea why.
Kaliningrad (aka Königsberg) is not only the weirdest located city in Russia and a place where Immanuel Kant rests in peace, it’s also an important monument of modern history. The whole city is an open-space museum of architectural horror. The tagline is “Look how Soviet people can transform an average european city trying hard to improve it” (damn constructivism and low-cost khruschev-style housing).
Really, you should see it yourself. Impressive.
Oymyakon & Verkhoyansk
Imagine that you live in a powerful freezer, but sometimes this freezer turns into oven. Ta-da! Now you have a clue what the weather in Verkhoyansk and Oymyakon is like.
The temperature there ranges from -60°C in Winter to +35°C in Summer. And the official temperature records are -66,8°C (-90°F) and +37.3°C (99°F): that gives us a 105°C (189°F) temperature range.
Just conjure up in your mind how difficult it is to smile in such weather conditions (it’s not recommended for your health either).
Pindostan is a mythic country inhabited by Pindoses, an embodiment of universal evil forces facing (and acting against) Mother-Russia. Common Pindos is a rude, extremely stupid foreigner with a strong inclination to overweight and invasive democracy-development (in oil-producing countries particularly). In other words, the complete antithesis of a common Russian (intellectual, Great Russan Sole holder, a perceptive connoisseur of Shostakovich and Tarkovsky).
Also Pindoses are fully responsible for the world economic crisis and Global warming.
It seems our bold head decided it can perfectly manage everything by itself. Lucky us!